only as good as your last score

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by templemarker

***

The hardest thing about closing the door behind him was looking at the blank beige wall that marked the other side of Spencer’s door. They had joked so many times about Spencer living in a doctor’s office, or an accountant’s, while coming back here after a night out. The jokes were silly, not even that funny, but there was a hard burning in Jon’s chest even at the thought of laughing with Spencer.

He wouldn’t be doing that for awhile.

Jon wasn’t lying to either of them. He knew he had fucked up here, that it came down on him in the end, but it didn’t change the feeling of anger and sorrow at the way Spencer had just shut down. Jon didn’t understand how Spencer could be so completely on one day and then so…blank the next. It was fucked up, is what it was, and Jon thumped his fist in frustration against Spencer’s door before pushing off and moving down the corridor.

If that was how he wanted to play it, fine. Fine. Jon could shut down too, turn off all the memories and the happiness and the way Spencer had changed his life. He could do it because it wasn’t worth remembering if Spencer wasn’t around to share it with him.

As he walked down the stairs to the cold desert December below, he slapped at the half-lit Exit sign that always hung low enough for him to hit when he jumped. He heard it crash behind him, and didn’t bother to look back and watch it break.

***

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